my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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