I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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