so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
