she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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