clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
