her vagina looked like bernie madoff
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
