I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
