Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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