I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
