Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
