I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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