At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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