dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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