I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My dick has a subreddit
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
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