she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
