eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
