my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
