As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
