my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
