May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
