Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
