You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
