Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
