We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
