Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
