did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
It's Friday. Sex?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
