i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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