Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
