Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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