Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
