Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
