You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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