Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
