Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
