wakey wakey hands off snakey
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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