HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
