Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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