I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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