I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize