i love accidental penises.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
