when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
