Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
