Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
