you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
