Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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