when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
