You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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