pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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