You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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