Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
