Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
