Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
