READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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