I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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