The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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