Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
