i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
