i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I think your dad took our porno
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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