so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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