i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
