I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
