dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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