But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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