So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize