Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
