Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
