in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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