walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
