i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
