Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
